


Mondays

by WhisperingShadowLullabies



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: M/M, crack fic?, it's funny i swear
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-18
Updated: 2015-07-18
Packaged: 2018-04-09 22:05:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4365914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhisperingShadowLullabies/pseuds/WhisperingShadowLullabies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Irie and his husband, Spanner, get into a mess of shenanigans with their two children. This is just the funniest thing ever okay?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Mondays

“MOMO PASS THE BALL! RAYA IS OPEN!”

“Irie, please, you're scaring the children.”

One look from his overly-zesty husband and Spanner quickly got the memo that this was not the time to mess with Irie. He was in soccer-mom mode, green eyes burned with the fires from hell behind blue rimmed glasses. Their daughter, Momo, was a cute one of five; A mess of curly brown hair in a ponytail on her head and her lavender eyes sparkled. She wasn't particularly fond of any aggressive games, though neither was Irie, so it was quite the surprise to everyone in the family that the second her feet hit the field, “scary mommy” came out. Their son, Ryuu was having a wonderful time however, sitting on Spanner's lap eating one of his father's homemade lollipops. Ryuu was smaller than his sister despite being the same age, and happened to some how have the same weird hair curl as Spanner. Soccer games were his favorite to watch because he got to see mommy's crazy side. Spanner's sky blue eyes looked over to see Irie's face turn beat red as someone elbowed Momo. Better stop this before the ref gets his legs broken.

“Dear, would you care for a lollipop or perhaps a cold beverage?”

“Does it look like I need a beverage?!”

“I dunno but you're looking pretty steamy.”

“Damn it, Spanner! No! That was clearly a foul and the ref didn't call it and I swear if my child gets elbowed one more time I will march onto that field myself and punch that ref in the face!” Ryuu giggled and Irie turned away, clearly still mad. Spanner merely shrugged it off. Just another Monday, he guessed. The whistle sounded for the end of the game and Momo quickly ran over, almost tripping over her own feet. Well, she didn't fall over, but her water jug happened to go flying and spill all of its contents over Irie.

“Oh my gosh, Mommy! I'm so sorry! I guess I got a little to excited!” she giggled at her now sopping wet father, who just laughed.

“That's alright! I'm just glad you're okay! Those kids were pretty violent... I guess I'll need a change of clothes...”

“I can help you change out of your clothes.”

“SPANNER NO.” Irie shoved playfully, leaving wet hand prints on Spanners blue striped shirt. Spanner ruffled Irie's mop of cinnamon colored hair, causing more water to go everywhere.

“Daddy no you're getting water on me too!” Ryuu screamed as he scrambled to get out of Spanners lap. He fell onto the ground, his blond locks falling in front of his scarlet eyes as Momo ran to help him up. Parents folded up the chairs while their children ran amuck, a mess of brown and blond hair rolling on the ground.

“Oi! You'll get all dirty rolling around in the mud like that! Mommy already has to take a bath; don't make me have to wash you too!”

“You can wash me.”

“SPANNER. CHILDREN.” Irie scoffed at Spanner's wiggly eyebrows and promptly kept walking, ignoring his husband's futile attempts to get in his pants. Unlocking the doors to the white minivan, they threw the chairs in the back while the kids strapped themselves in. After sliding the doors closed they drove off in the direction of home. The ride was peaceful, the kids mumbling among themselves as Irie hummed in tune to the song that was playing on the radio. Spanner's face suddenly darkened.

“Fuck; I'm out of lollipops.”

The van took a rather large swerve and honks of varying levels sounded.

“SPANNER YOU WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE! DO YOU KISS YOUR MOTHER WITH THAT MOUTH?!”

“No, I kiss you. Now, hurry home. I can feel my life force slowly draining from lack of sugar.”

“You are impossible!” Never the less Irie speed up and hurried, not because of the lack of lollipops, but the fear that more cursing might in sue. With the giggles of the children in the back laughing at Spanner fake fainting and the fact that Irie was still soaked, he failed to notice the speed sign that reduced the limit by about 10 mph. Soon enough, Flashing red and blue lights pulled up behind them and they were forced to stop. Irie banged his head on the steering wheel repetitively until Spanner cursed again, causing Irie to flail and hit his hand on the dashboard. While he was gingerly holding his hand the officer waltzed up to the window of the drivers side.

“Do you know you were speeding by almost 10 mph?” Irie looked at the man and said nothing until Spanner hit the back of his head, motioning for him to explain.

“I-I Honestly didn't officer. I must have missed the sign...” he looked down in shame, for he was not one for speeding.

“Why are you all wet? Wait, never mind, I don't want to know. Just give me your driver's license.” The man said whilst pinching the bridge of his nose. After it was all sorted out, they were given a warning due to the fact that Irie was a safe driver and hadn't had any previous problems, and they continued on their epic journey home!

After everything was parked and locked, the family quickly crowded into the smaller-than-normal apartment. After all a computer technician and a mechanic could only afford so much. It had a kitchen, living room, and three bedrooms with two baths. It was qualified enough to serve as a good home for the small family. The kids ran off to their respective rooms while Irie told Spanner to cook dinner because “I'm all wet and don't feel like it, so you do it.” and after another expertly placed innuendo, he promptly left to take a shower. 30 minutes later a clean and freshly spiffied Irie returned with kids in tow ready for food.

“I made mac-n-cheese because that's really the only thing I know how to make.”

“Yay!! Thank you Spanspan!” The kids shouted as they clambered into the chairs to eat.

“You could have at least put hot dogs in there. Where's the protein?” Irie muttered as he tried to sit down but was caught and spun around instead.

“I saved it for later.” Spanner said with a wicked smile and quickly planted one on Irie's cheek. After much sputtering, the two sat down at the small table to eat, enjoying the instant meal that was probably prepared by the mini mosca rather than Spanner himself. The man may have been an amazing mechanic, but as far as skills like cooking, well, he had absolutely no talent... but man, could he make the best lollies and green tea ever, although Irie suspected there was something in those lollies that was definitely illegal and refused to eat them. What's even scarier is that Spanner would not deny it if you asked.

The family crowded around on the sofa in the family room while Ryuu picked a movie out for them to watch for movie night. Momo feared the worst would come from letting Ryuu pick a movie, knowing that he was less-than-all-there in the head. Thankfully he picked The Karate Kid and everyone settled in as the mini mosca brought out popcorn. The kids happily sat on the floor leaving the couch to the couple, who took the chance to snuggle. The kids definitely noticed, whispering about how weird their parents were.

Irie was drifting off, being nestled into Spanner's body heat, and was thoroughly surprised when a hand snaked up his leg,

“Wax on.” Spanner whispered into his ear making him squirm.

“Now is not the time for that! Stop trying to crop a feel!” Irie hissed back grabbing at the hand that was still wondering into dangerous territory. Of course, he missed it.

“EHGH!” the small scream escaping his mouth as that hand went just a little to far up. Momo and Ryuu looked back, small smiles gracing their faces, not oblivious at all despite only being five. Irie was frozen in shock, unable to process what was happening.

“NOT IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN.” He all but deliberatively whisper-yelled at Spanner, who smiled a very innocent looking smile, patting him on the face.

“Just giving you a taste of what's to come after the movie!” he said popping a lolly into Irie's open mouth. “Be thankful there's a lolly in your mouth and not my tongue.” he whispered in Irie's ear as an afterthought. Though, he backed off after the death glare that was sent his way. Not a word was spoken throughout the rest of the movie and Irie spared Spanner no glances for fear of further advancements. The movie ended and Irie hurried the children off to bed, making sure they completed all the night time rituals. After a kiss was delivered to each child and both were snuggled in their beds, Irie and Spanner retired to their room, thoroughly tuckered out from such a day. Unfortunately for Irie, who wanted to go to sleep so bad, he was unable to due to Spanner's restlessness about “enjoying their free time while they had it” Irie had intended on going to sleep but that hand found its way back and honestly whatever it was doing, it was doing it right. Suddenly he was flipped around and was now face to face with is husband, who drew him in for a sickeningly sweet kiss. Irie might have groaned, but it was quickly covered by what ever Spanner happened to be doing with his mouth. However before it could get any more heated, thunder cracked in the distance, causing both stop and mentally prepare for the inevitable. “MOMMY! DADDY!” sighing, Irie mumbled, “I got it.” before going to retrieve the screaming child. Poor Ryuu was not one for storms and could not be left alone in time of one. This resulting in having an uninvited guest in the couples bed, while simultaneously spoiling any fun that they might have been having. After picking Ryuu up and shushing him back to sleep, he curled in onto Irie and sandwiched himself between the two.

“Why does this always happen? I try so hard...” Spanner mumbled, visibly irritated.

“It happens because you suggested we should have kids.”

“Oi, don't put this on me; you were the one who said we had to get two so the one wouldn't get lonely.”

“I think it worked out well don't you think?”

“Other than it turning you into such a mom, yeah.”

“I am not a mom!”

“Really? Who's the one with the 'mommy' title? Oh yeah, you.”

“IF YOU WEREN'T SUCH A MAN, WE WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION.”

“Now he gets it...” After a rather large smack on the arm and a kiss on the forehead both fell into comfortable silence, almost falling asleep before their door opened again and another joined in on the snuggle fest. It was like trying to keep ants away from a picnic! In the end, it just felt more right to have everyone together in the midst of a crazy storm. Course that could just Irie's mom-brain saying stuff like “WHAT IF THERE IS A TORNADO? BETTER STAY TOGETHER TO BE SAFE.” That kind of stuff made his stomach hurt and also happened to give him terrible nightmares, much like the one he was having right now. Who knew giant marshmallows stealing your children could be so terrifying? Irie awoke with a start, breathing heavily.

“I need to stop eating before I go to bed...” he mumbled to himself as he put his glasses back on, slowly wondering out of bed to the kitchen. Fixing a glass of warm milk for his troubles, Irie sat down at the table and wondered about that dream. A pair of warm arms wiggled their way around his neck from behind and Irie smiled to himself.

“What woke you up?” Spanner's sleep induced voice rambled deep into Irie's bones. You could cure cancer with a tone like that.

“Bad dream.” Irie slurred out while sipping his milk. Spanner hummed in response nuzzling his face into Irie's hair.

“Come on; help me put the kids back in their own beds. Its time I got my cuddles.” Irie smiled and put his cup into the sink, following Spanner back to the bedroom, each picking up a child. Momo's head lulled in Spanner's arms as he carried her back to her room, painted “Jasmine Purple” for their princess. Ryuu's mouth hung open as Irie laid him back down in his dragon sheets. The couple met in the hallway and smiled as they walked back to their bedroom. Falling into the sheets as a mass of limbs, they couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness that was their life. Snuggled as close as possible, Irie and Spanner promptly fell asleep in each other's arms.


End file.
